Desperate Times

*Picks up phone, dials.*

*Phone rings, goes to voicemail.*
"Na na na na na na na na fishing. Na na na na na na na
na fishing. Fish-ing! Fish-ing! Fish-ing! Hi, you've reached Lee F--"

*Hangs up in disgust.* "Typical. Well, I guess that leaves..."

Conte Forum, Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts
*Phone rings.*

"Super Awesome Happy Fun Department, Head Funmaster DeFilippo speaking."

*Holds receiver in front of face, stares at it for a second.* "Uh, maybe I dialed the wrong..."

"That you, Tom?"

"Oh, yeah, hi, Gene, I wanted to maybe ask you a favor."

*Sighs.* "Man, why is it you harsh my vibe every time I talk to you? Hold on a second."

*Opens office window, dives head first into adjoining tube slide, lands in ball pit.*

*25 minutes later*

"You were saying?"

"I got this thing where all of my good players are hurt and I have a bit of a cold
and I just was thinking we could skip our game this weekend."

*Line goes dead.*

"So maybe that was a long shot."

*Watching TV in dorm room; USF game highlights come on.* "Shit."

*Wings football at TV, football flies over TV, crashes through window.
Car alarm sounds, woman screams.*

"Oh man it's on every channel!"

*Phone rings.*

"They go for it?"

"No, didn't buy it. You remember our discussion?"

"About how I am to go downtown against Boston College all afternoon? Bomb the shit out of them like I did last year? God we have fun, don't we, coach?"

*Hangs up, chugs bottle of whiskey, buries head in hands, weeps softly.*