Shorthanded Football Team To Meditate On, Visualize Rest Of Practices

From GoPack.com:

RALEIGH, N.C. – On the heels of a horrifying two hand touch incident that left 8 football players sidelined indefinitely, NC State head football coach Tom O'Brien has decided it prudent to err on the side of caution and altogether halt his team's physical activities.

"Full contact was a disaster, two hand touch, same thing ... we just felt like this was a step we had to take," O'Brien explained.

In a related development, the University of North Carolina laid off its entire staff of trainers after Butch Davis received, as he put it, "certain assurances from the man upstairs, if you catch my drift."